In his article, Vulver: Memon style (Dawn Magazine, October 18, 1996), the writer did not state that this system is prevalent throughout India and Pakistan (except, as he said, among scattered communities, notably among Pathans and the Baloch, where it’s the other way around). The fact is that wherever the population of unmarried females is greater than that of males, the system will be difficult to dislodge. (Just as, among the Pathan and the Baloch, the “vulver” system is in vogue, owing to the greater population of males among them).
The writer is wrong when he says
that this system was not prevalent in pre-partition India. Among Memons from
Bantva, it has been the custom for well over a century to “buy” suitable
bridegrooms. Now, since the female population is growing almost exponentially,
other Memons (besides of course most Pakistanis) have adopted the practice.
Unless some legal method of reducing the spiralling female population is found,
the pugree or jahez system will always be there. In India, it is not uncommon for
women to take ultra-sound tests during pregnancy (to determine the sex of the
unborn child), and to abort the fetus if it is a female.
What is more disturbing
(particularly among Memons) is the extravagance and indiscipline displayed
during weddings. At least three dinners are common (even at the time of
engagement) and sometimes up to 500 people are present at valimas. The hungry guests are kept waiting until the bridegroom
swaggers in, as if he’s doing the whole world a big favour (invariably half an
hour before midnight), and then there is a mad rush for the food. There have
been instances of dacoits barging in and depriving women of their jewellery. By
the time the guests return home, the new day is already an hour old.
Things have got so bad that last
week I saw a lavishly embellished card (it must’ve cost at least Rs. 100 to
print), inviting the recipient to to a “pre-engagement dinner in honour of our
future son-in-law”. I do not know what the host wanted to prove, apart of course
from the fact that he has enough money to burn
and doesn’t know the difference between “pre” and “post”. At another
wedding dinner last month, at least 3500 guests had been invited. It required
all the seven wedding lawns located on Shara-e-Faisal to seat and feed them.
Even though both the familes were supposedly deeply religious (photography and
video-graphy of the event was not allowed), the dinner was as usual served very
late. Last year, I was in the U.K. when Imran’s wedding dinner was held at a
hotel. The papers described it as “GRAND: A HUNDRED GUESTS!” I told my hosts
that in Pakistan I had attended my cousin’s wedding the week before, where 3000
people had been invited. They were incredulous. “You call Pakistan a poor
country?” was the reaction of a factory-owner. We Memons weren’t like this 20
years ago. There were no lavish dinners and at the most, only 100 guests were
sufficient to prove that the family was not bankrupt. All the Memon Jamaats
were headed by practical men who believed that extravagance and waste was a
sin. In fact, as recently as the 80s, grand valima dinners were the exception
rather than the rule, unlike the present. It is now more than ever necessary
for the government to force all marriage gardens and lawns to close at 10 at
night. Besides saving precious electricity, at least we shall be able to get
home before the dacoits do.
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