Wheat despots

 Sir, 

According to a news item, our honourable ministers do not want to crack down on the wheat hoarders because they're influential people who could create problems for the ruling party in the general elections. What else is new? No action was taken against those who caused the sugar shortage because some ministers or their relatives were involved. Only crooks can get elected to Parliament in Pakistan, and ironically, it is they who decide the amount of taxes we, the law abiding citizens, must pay. 

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

Like Father

Published in the Friday Times on September 14, 2007

Sir, 

According to a news item, a nine-year old boy killed one person and injured another after seeing his father fire a gun in the air while celebrating Independence Day.Even if the victim;s family agrees to a compromise and does not take legal action, the police are ignorant of two other crimes committed by the boy's father. 

First, he should have kept his gun securely locked in a safe place, and second, he should never have fired his gun into the air. Too many people have been killed or injured when people resort to aerial firing during wedding celebrations, and I knew someone who almost died when a bullet came down from the skies and pierced his shoulder blades. The police should register a case against a boy's father for these two offences. 

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

Slave Labour

Published in the Friday Times on April 11, 2008  

 

Sir, 

 

 It is reported that "Pepco is now demanding Rs. 9 plus for a unit" instead of Rs 3.69 per unit from KESC. Contrast this with the prices that are charged by electric utilities in India. This is from an article by Brahma Chaellaney in "The Hindu" of March 17: "Escalating construction costs have resulted in all the newer nuclear plants pricing their electricity at between 270 and 285 paisa a kilowatt hour (kWh). Compare those tariffs with Reliance Energy's coal-fired Sason plant project, which has contracted to sell power at 119 paisa kWh, or even with the poorly-run Dadri plant, which supplies electricity to Delhi at 225 paisa a kWh, although coal has to be hauled for the plant over long distances". I doubt that even the KESC (let alone Pepco) knows that electricity is so cheap (Rs 1.19 to Rs 2.85 per unit) in India. So it is likely that the eight hour long power outages are due to KESC not being able to buy electricity at Rs 9 per unit from Pepco.  

 

Someone recently suggested using buffaloes to generate electricity by using gear boxes  to convet the animals' five revolutions per minute required by generators. It may theoretically be possible to manufacture such gear boxes, but the cost would be prohibitive even if someone did succeed in making them. In fact, it would be much better to convert what comes out of the animals into methane gas, which could then be used to produce electricity. However, there is one method which can be used by our feudals who have plenty of slave labour working in their fields. This would require a stationary bicycle to which a dynamo is attached. The dynamo would produce power to run a TV set or an energy-saver bulb. About 100 men would easily illuminate the palaces of our waderas. So if ever the electric supply to a feudal's house is suspended (for non-payment), he can easily get his slaves to produce electricity for him in this manner. Shakir Lakhani Karachi

Helping Pakistan

 Published in Time magazine on 14 April 1997

PERHAPS BHUTTO IS THE ONLY PERSON IN Pakistan who believes she "helped this country recover twice." Her capacity for self delusion is amazing. Does helping Pakistan mean causing it to be labeled the second most corrupt country in the world, or price increases over three years of 50% to 60% on almost every essential item, or having the value of rupee drop from 25 to 40 against dollar in the same period? I hope she never "helps" Pakistan again.

Shakir Lakhani 

Karachi 

Jaywalker and the cops

 Published in Dawn on June 19, 1996

I was sorry to read about Jaywalker being injured in an accident involving a stolen yellow cab "belonging" to a CIA cop (Dawn Magazine, January 5).

Here is something to ponder over for our industrious DIG, who has been appealing to the public to bring to his attention any wrongdoings by policemen. He should immediately order an investigation into the affair. The concerned cop should be asked how the stolen yellow cab came into his possession, and whether he or his cronies have more stolen yellow cabs in their use. If the enquiry also reveals that quite a few policemen are the owners of mini-buses, the public should be informed how such things are possible, considering the kind of salaries the cops are paid.

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

Elemental wrath

Sir, 

I think there's something wrong with the country if the leader of its main opposition party says that the earthquake is due to God's anger and his daughter blames what she calls "obscenity" in the media for the deaths of thousands of children, amongst many others. If earthquakes are the wrath of God, why do they occur beneath the oceans where no humans (and therefore no obscenity) exist? I agree with the religious leaders: we have to change our lifestyles. But not in the direction they want We need more science programmes on television and more emphasis on scientific education so that our people no longer need mullahs to explain the causes of natural disasters. So no marks for guessing why the mullas are so strenuously opposed to modern education!

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

A narrowly averted mishap

 Published in Dawn on October 2, 2000

I'm not sure whether there's something in our Constitution that guarantees that PIA personnel cannot be held accountable for negligence, but after what happened on the night between September 20 and 21, a detailed study of the Constitution is required to find out if this is is so.

Flight No PK-307 took off almost on time (at 2215 hrs), but after about 20 minutes, the pilot noticed that either there was something wrong with the gauge indicating oil pressure in the hydraulic system of the landing gear or that it had practically no oil in it. Since I was seated in the first row (only a few feet from the cockpit and the crew), I knew what actually happened. It seems that the flight engineer (or whoever it is whose job it is to check whether the aircraft should be allowed to fly) didn't do what he was paid to do.

It was sheer luck that the pilot happened to notice the lack of oil pressure and decided to turn back to Lahore. When the plane landed, there were fire engines and ambulances on the ready, and the passengers smelt burning rubber. As soon as the Airbus stopped, the first thing the crew did was to find out if the tires were still intact. Fortunately, the brakes and the landing gear were not damaged, and a crash landing was not necessary.

I know that only a remarkably stupid person would suggest that an inquiry should be held to determine what really happened. In fact, the entire staff at the Lahore Airport during the next four hours actively collude with the PIA crew in pretending that what had happened was perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. At first, they announced that the plane would leave within an h our (at 2359 to be exact).When the new day began, they said it would be ready by 1 am. Finally, we were able to depart at 0315 am. 

The authorities should check if these facts have been recorded, or whether some fudging has taken place to protect those responsible for the near-disaster. I hope someone who cares for Pakistan is reading this and will take whatever action is necessary. Perhaps if those found negligent are punished PIA staff will be more careful in future. The two foreign engineers who were with me on what nearly became an ill-fated flight swore never to travel by PIA again. 

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

The 'saint' of the donkeys

 Published in Dawn Magazine on May 3 1998

YOU HAVE lost everything you had, even your wife has left you and creditors are hounding you to death. So you go to the one who has been your mentor, the man who looks after the shrine where you have worshipped since you were a boy.

"Guru," you say to him with tears in your eyes, "I've lost all hope. If you don't help me, I shall surely die".

He is deeply moved, and  asks you if you will do whatever he says. Of course, you reply.

So he says, "take this donkey and look after it day and night. No matter what happens, take care of it, and soon you shall be a rich man".

You're incredulous, but you do as he says. In a few days, the donkey dies, for you don't have enough to feed him and yourself.  But you've promised to look after him whatever happens, so you bury him in a spot by a busy road. You keep the grave covered with flowers, and you build a hut there as well. Pretty soon, people passing by stop at the grave for prayers. They leave a little something with you when they leave, and in a few months you have saved enough to build a monument. The site soon becomes a place of pilgrimage and you become famous as a spiritual leader. 

In a couple of years you marry again, buy a Pajero and pay a visit to your benefactor, the man who told you to stick to the dead donkey. Oh wise man, you ask him, how did you ever guess that looking after the donkey would make me so wealthy? Simple, my son, he says. I made my millions after I buried your donkey's grandpa here.

Shakir Lakhani

Shock-proof

 Published in Dawn on 22 March 2006

RESIDENTS of multi-storeyed buildings in Karachi have been asked to prove that their buildings are earthquake-proof. The only way to find out if a building will be able to withstand an earthquake is to supervise its construction from start to finish and this was supposed to be done by the Karachi Building Control Authority. There is of course another method but I doubt if it will appeal to anyone: explode a high-intensity bomb within a radius of ten fleet and see if the building remains standing. 

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi

Holidays galore

Published in The Friday Times on October 15-21, 2004

Sir, 

It was rumoured that a holiday would be declared in Karachi on October 6, so that people could see a cricket match between Pakistan and Sri Lanka.

This is a good thing, since it will help us in our heartfelt quest to be ranked the poorest country on the planet. Seeing that we're so good at multiplying, it won't be long before our population exceeds that of China. And more holidays will certainly help us attain that target speedily. Industrial production and expert targets don't mean anything to the 95 percent of our countrymen who're still living in the seventh century.

And while we're at it, why not declare holidays during the entire month of of Ramazan? I've yet to meet a real red-blooded Pakistani muslim doing any work without complaining while fasting. 

Shakir Lakhani

Karachi